When Brian honored me with the request to write an introduction to this website, I felt a bit like Cylinderella. [Cylinderella is a a similar story to the better-known Cinderella, but rides a large bore motorcycle and is generally more of a tubular shape]. As Cylinderella, I could go to the website ball, but only if I wrote about the odd, inexplicable, stupid, bizarre, and hilarious things that people do...

And that immediately brought to mind my good friend Joyce. Joyce works as a tray jockey down at the local Buff'N Stuff. She is shapely and attractive, always surrounded by a crowd of admiring lawyers and MBA's, and makes a fortune in tips. The only flaw in Joyce's character is a certain fondness for me. Something about me appeals to Joyce greatly.

While I try to keep things above board, she is always looking for a new way to do me a favor or get into my good graces. All her attempts backfire disasterously.

The latest such attempt involved my nephew Bunkle, who stayed with me for much of last summer. My nephew is 13 years old, and developing into a fine young man. He played a bunch of tricks on me over the summer, culminating in a big trick that spread molasses all over my kitchen.

I thought I would get back on Bunkle, so now he is safely back at school again, I sent him email describing the "Stunt Pope". This is a body double for the real Pontiff (or so I told Bunkle) who stands in for John Paul II in public appearances. He has done that since the real pope was wounded in the 1981 assassination attempt. I gave Bunkle lots of supporting evidence, like how much the pope travels, and how he manages such a gruelling schedule (he doesn't - the stunt pope does).

I thought it was a pretty good leg-pull, and advised him to tell the other boys at school. Well, the next thing I know, Bunkle's ma (my sis) is on the phone to me, reading the Riot Act to me. She did not find any part of this the least bit funny, and I am not to send any more email to Bunkle. I thought he was old enough to take a joke, but I guess
I was wrong. She really let me have it.

This is where Joyce comes in. I told Joyce the whole story, and explained how I would respect sis's wishes, in the hope of eventually patching up matters. Joyce gets a gleam in her eye. She obviously thought I was ill-used by sis, and saw her chance. The next I hear, Joyce has emailed Bunkle, and told him not only is there a Stunt Pope, but there is a Stunt God. Stunt God fills in for the real God when there is a dangerous miracle to work (like walking on water, or burning bushes, or something like that). Heavens knows where it will go from here. But one thing is sure, I'm going to catch hell for it.

Now you know what kind of portal is in front of you.