AOL.EXE Hoax
This is incredible... The
background for this story is: There was a virus hoax a few weeks ago that
instructed people to delete a specific file that was supposedly a virus.
This file was in fact a necessary component for Windows. Many people
deleted this file... Anyway, the owner of a Joke a Day mailing list
created a fake virus warning which stated AOL.EXE is a virus and has "affected
close to 30 million computers" and should be deleted... The hoax is
pasted below... as well as the funnier of the responses that he received as a
result of this joke... For the full story and everything related to it, go
to http://www.jokeaday.com/7aolexe.shtml
The Joke Email:
Pay attention:
VIRUS WARNING!!!
It has been brought to my attention that there's an insidious new computer virus
which has already affected close to 30 million computers.
Even though I'm running the latest McAfee and Norton viri scans, neither have
picked up this virus as it's a mutating virus which isn't set to go off until
Friday, June 8, 2001.
As many viri are, this one is transmitted by email. I'm required by law to
contact everyone that has received email from me in the last six months and warn
them about this virus.
TO REMOVE THIS VIRUS BEFORE IT BECOMES EFFECTIVE:
** Click your start button.
** Click on "Find".
** Click on Files / Folders.
** Change the "look in" input box to "My Computer".
** The named input file should have: AOL.EXE
Once the find engine has located the file, highlight it and press the delete
button.
Deleting this file will fix a damaged 30 megabyte area of your hard drive and
restore it to full functionality.
WARNING: KEEPING THIS FILE ON THE SYSTEM AFTER JUNE 8 WILL COST YOU $2.90 MORE
PER MONTH!
FAILURE TO REMOVE THIS FILE WILL KEEP YOUR "UPPER MEMORY MANAGEMENT"
MODULE OF YOUR INTELLIGENCE QUOTIENT (IQ OVER 85) BLOCKED. DELETING AOL.EXE WILL
FREE YOUR IQ TO GO ABOVE 85!!!
DELETING THIS FILE WILL ALLOW YOU TO SPELL CORRECTLY AND USE THE ENGLISH
LANGUAGE PROPERLY.
BADLY INFECTED SYSTEMS (I.E., SYSTEMS THAT HAVE DESTROYED YOUR ABILITY TO FOLLOW
THE SIMPLE INSTRUCTIONS ABOVE) CAN HAVE THE VIRUS REMOVED BY TELEPHONE. CALL
1-888-265-8008 AND TELL THE OPERATOR TO CANCEL THE VIRUS. THE OPERATOR WILL
DEACTIVATE THE VIRUS FROM THEIR END.
TECHNICAL NOTE: YOU **MUST** EXPLAIN TO THE OPERATOR YOU'RE ATTEMPTING TO
DEACTIVATE THE AOL.EXE VIRUS. THE TECHNICAL SUPPORT OFFICE YOU'RE TALKING TO IS
EXTREMELY PROFESSIONALLY EMBARRASSED BY UNLEASHING THIS VIRUS ON THE WORLD AND
WILL DELAY DEACTIVATING IT. FOR LEGAL REASONS, THEY MAY EVEN *DENY* THE
EXISTENCE OF THE AOL.EXE VIRUS. DON'T FALL FOR THEIR STORY!
Hilarious Email Responses to the above hoax: (as
well as his replys to each email)
Email:
Hopefully, this is not a joke.
I did follow your recommendation and fortunately I do not have the AOL.EXE on my
system. Does this mean that I am OK?
Reply:
Maybe.
Have you even been in the same room with someone who is using AOL? If so, it's
possible you've been exposed to the virus yourself.
Here's a self-test:
** Can you write complete sentences that make sense?
** Do you use all capitals when writing email?
** Do you have trouble following directions written for a person with a 3rd
grade education?
** Is every third word of your correspondence misspelled?
If you can answer "no" to all of these questions, then you're probably
ok.
Email:
IS THIS A JOKE? OR IS FOR REAL?
Response:
It's for real and I can tell you're infected. You're using capital letters
for every word. A classic sign of AOL.EXE infestation.
Email:
I WAS TOLD BEFORE CHANGING MY SYSTEM TO ALWAYS MAKE A BACKUP. YOU DIDN'T HAVE
THAT IN THE INSTRUCTIONS. IS THIS NECESSARY
Response:
Backups are ONLY important when making important system changes. But, from
your email address, I can tell IMMEDIATELY that your system has been infected!
You don't have time to make a full system backup!
Instead, what you need to do is Microsoft's "hidden flash backup"
routine. When I was reading some of the tech boards, I discovered this little
trick. I'm surprised more AOL.EXE infected people haven't been told about this.
From the desktop, PRESS and HOLD DOWN the CONTROL and ALT keys. Count to five
(this gives the computer an opportunity to set its internal configuation) and
then, stab down QUICKLY on the delete button. HOLD it down if necessary.
If the machine reboots, then you didn't hold down the control and alt keys
correctly. When the machine returns you to desktop, try it again. REALLY PRESS
DOWN on those keys. *Mash* them suckers. Then, STAB (not poke, not press, STAB)
that delete button.
Frankly, it takes most people a couple of tries before they see the "FLASH
BACKUP" logo appear. Just keep trying until it's successful. Then you can
safely delete the AOL.EXE file.
Good luck!
Email:
I got an email from a friend who has a lot of experience with computers. She
said to delete the file and I did. Now I find out this is just a joke.Well to me
that's like yelling FIRE in a crowded theater.There ought to be some law to
prevent this kind of sick joke from happening.I didn't think it was very funny.
Response:
You're right: pure idiocy isn't funny a'tall. I mean, c'mon, your *friend*
sends you the file, but it's *my* fault you're too *stupid* to realize it's a
*joke*?
You're right. There ought to be a law. Some new sterilization thing to keep
y'all from breeding.
Email:
THIS WAS THE MOST STUPID BUNCH OF STUFF I EVER RECEIVED. REMOVE ME FROM YOUR
PATHETIC MAILING LIST. NORTH CAROLINA OUTRAGED. LIB
Response:
We don't have a "pathetic" mailing list. And why would all of North
Carolina be outraged? Is it because you live there and are lowering the average
IQ for the entire state?
Reply:
Yes I live in NC. The main thing was. you did not make clear that your mailing
was a joke. We (everyone who has internet access) are bombarded every day with
the threat of a virus wiping out our PCs and then you go and send that mailing.
I have degrees in Journalism, Education, and Pol. Sci. Taught in Public Schools
for 22 years, hope I did not ever teach you. I still want to be removed from
your mailing list and intend to tell as many people as possible to do the same.
Why single out North Carolinians to poke fun at???
Reply to reply:
The subject line of the message says: JOKE A Day
The masthead of the publications all say: JOKE A Day.
The website URL says: JOKEaday.com
My email address is JOKEaday@JOKEaday.com
*Most* people would have figured out, duh, that we tell, JOKES here.
No, trust me, I didn't have *any* teachers as stupid as you are. I'd *still* be
talking about you if I'd ever been in one of your classrooms. "Hey, did you
hear about the teacher with the WebTV account who didn't catch the fact that we
tell JOKES here?" (Sounds of laughter.) Perhaps *you're* the reason public
schools are in such bad shape?
Go polish your apples, Teach.
Email:
Why don't you just stick with your jokes, there are people receiveing your
mailings that are completely congused about the exe files,
Response:
Yeah, those folks're completely "congused" are fucking it up for
the rest of us.
Reply:
Keep your Damn "joke-a-day" I don't need it ...sorry about the
spelling error, guess I certainly am "conf(g)used...UNSUBSCRIBE
ME...wouldn't want to mess it up for you....
Response to Reply:
Aw hell, Sharon, you couldn't mess up an unsubscribe for *me*. All you can do
is mess it up for yourself. No wonder you're so "congused."
(I compiled this page from http://www.jokeaday.com/7aolexe.shtml
) Go there for related news stories and a more complete pasting of
the emails in response to the hoax....