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Some Good News It is possible and beneficial for us to avoid
scapegoating in all its forms from simple one-upmanship through being
judgmental, engaging in gossip, mob violence, to full-scale war – any
form of us vs. them that involves resentment. All
things that happen to us will ultimately accrue to our benefit.
We can overcome benefit, however, by working against it.
If our eyes are open, so to speak, this will become apparent. We can experience the world as a good place if we
will notice its goodness. If we pursue comfort, happiness, or serenity, we will
not find them. If we attend
to the comfort, happiness and serenity of others, we will experience them
for ourselves. Likewise, if
we will attend to the needs of others rather than our own, our own needs
will be satisfied. If we live in accord with the above, we will be
grateful to be alive and grateful for what we have.
We will be happy, as no one who is grateful is unhappy.
And we will lack nothing. Conformity with any of these improves conformity with the others. They are of a piece. Adversity is almost a hallmark of the human condition.
No one is immune. How we respond to adversity, i.e., what lasting effect it has
on us, is important to our wellbeing.
From each adverse experience we emerge with some combination of
three quite different effects: we
grow, we are damaged, or we become callous, though most often one
predominates. Growth: You
have probably heard the expression, “Whatever doesn’t kill you will
make you stronger.” This
may be a slight oversimplification, but it is a fact that much of our
growth in character and maturity comes from adversity. Damage:
We all have emotional scars. Usually
they are from adversity that “overcame” us, but they can also come
from adversity in which we may have thought that we overcame a hated or
resented adversary. To the
extent that we have sustained such damage, we are “broken” people.
Our brokenness itself is a danger —
not only to ourselves but also to others. Callousness: One way to
prevent future pain is by creating emotional distance from whatever caused
the pain this time. We keep
it from hurting next time by reducing our level of caring, by
“thickening our skin.” Obviously we benefit when adversity results in
growth. We are harmed, one
might say our growth is stunted, when we are damaged or become callous. It follows that others with whom we come into contact also
benefit from our growth in character and maturity and likewise are at risk
of suffering some harm from our brokenness and thick skin. Giving serious attention and effort to avoiding scapegoating, to coming to trust that good things can come from bad, to attending to other's needs, and to noticing the goodness in the world will help immeasurably in reaping growth from adversity rather than brokenness or thicker skin. And that growth will in turn help us to accept these elements of good news and live more and more in gratitude and happiness. |